My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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