We won't sleep together?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize