i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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