He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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