Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
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