i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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