Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
