My first STD was from a foam party
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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