3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
