Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
