Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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