I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
