At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
