I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Randomize