i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
