people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize