kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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