This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
