If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
