I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
