I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
