We named our party play list daddy issues
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
