My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
