Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
