I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He had one of those small greek statue penises
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
