new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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