if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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