it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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