The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize