One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
