somebody snuck up and got me drunk
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize