hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
