think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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