A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
