you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
