i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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