..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The air was thick with penises
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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