My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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