If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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