So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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