I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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