Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
