I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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