He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
