I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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