I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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