maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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