She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
