Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
