"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
My vagina just recognized that song.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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