My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Randomize
