Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
