Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
nutella sex= disaster
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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