I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
