On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
