Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
jump out the window naked night went bad
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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