god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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