fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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