I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
