I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
