The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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