is wine microwaveable?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
