I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
All I want is dick and wine.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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