Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
