Are we in a gay sports bar?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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