Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
