So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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