i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
