yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
