Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
