if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
