i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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