I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
