We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize