Betty ford says i'm here all night
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
