i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
this boner is exhausting
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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