Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
