my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
it hurts more in the daytime
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
