I was born with a shot glass in my hand
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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